


Thunderstorm

by esmecvllens



Series: From Dusk Till Dawn [1]
Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Angst, Book: New Moon, But I Love Them, Cullen Fluff, Cullen clan - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Parent-Child Relationship, Past Abuse, Protective Carlisle Cullen, Twilight Bashing, Twilight Renaissance, carlesme, esme cullen being an angel, i dont know what carlisle and esme have that just speaks to me, ok its only mentions of edward, takes place in new moon, that little whiny bitch, that should be a tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:15:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27471844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/esmecvllens/pseuds/esmecvllens
Summary: While Edward's decision to leave Forks in New Moon might have been (in his mind) life-saving for Bella, it certainly wasn't easy for his family. Esme has a hard time coping with him being gone.Just some Carlesme hurt/comfort, because I'm a sucker for them.
Relationships: Carlisle Cullen/Esme Cullen
Series: From Dusk Till Dawn [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2010493
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	Thunderstorm

**Author's Note:**

> I have changed the canon a little, so now Edward doesn't leave with the Cullens, he just flies and leaves them behind in Forks. What a bitch.  
> I never really understood how the Cullens just put up with Edward and the only one to doubt him was Rosalie. It doesn't sit right with me.
> 
> Also! My Tumblr is esmecvllens and I'm desperate for more twilight mutuals!!

They don't fight, they never do. It just doesn't happen within a match as good as theirs. Of course, minor issues arise throughout a life together as long a theirs, but they're always small, resolving in a laugh or a kiss. Why fight, when you have lived a hundred years together and know each other's every flaw?

When hot subjects arise, they usually revolve around the children. Esme always feels somewhat amused when they call the pack their children - they are adults, not much younger than she is - but she can't help feeling like a mother to them, and Carlisle had naturally taken the role of patriarch. They are used to being a family, and they all call her mom sometimes, which she always welcomes with joy and if she had a heart, it would grow warmer. So yes, if Carlisle and Esme ever fight, they usually discuss the kids. How to talk to Rosalie during one of her tantrums, where to move next, how to help Jasper with his thirst. Esme likes that, being responsible for them. She realy feels like a mother to them all, and discussing them is just one of many aspects of having a family.

While Esme is probably the most peaceful being on the planet, Carlisle hates fighting in general. He's a very compostured, tranquil person, he had always been, and living for four hundred years straight had only made him even more still. There weren't many things that could make him raise his voice or slam his hand on the table. He understood his family, he accepted all their flaws and needs, and when you know somebody this well, issues rarely arise. The kids are stars on his sky, and he wouldn't jeopardise ruining relationships with any of them.

The main reason he hated fighting, however, was Esme. He despised seeing her cheerful, loving self turn angry or hurt. Her eyebrows straightened into thin lines, her mouth twitching, her knuckles white. It didn't happen often, but when it did, Carlisle would give in immediately - he just couldn't stand making her unhappy.

However, recently she had been unhappy all the time. Ever since Edward had left them, she stopped smiling. They all got a little sadder, the asmosphere in the house a little tense, but it hit Esme especially. Of course, she loved all her kids equally - but Edward held a special place in her heart. Maybe because he was the first, maybe because he was still without his mate, but she felt especially responsible for him. Ever since he left she stopped happily humming while doing house tasks, stopped randomly hugging Carlisle, stopped messing around with Emmett. Her family missed it. She could be so silly and carefree, reminding them all that she, though being the oldest of them, was still only twenty six years old. Carlisle adored it about her, but now it was gone, and it was wrecking. 

Edward had been gone for almost ten months now, and she hadn't gotten any better. Carlisle feared she never would, not unless he comes back. He hoped for it to happen, but he also knew his son, and if Edward set his mind on something, he likely won't be back.

And if Carlisle was honest with himself, he was disappointed with Edward. His son seemed to be thinking only about Bella, not a piece of his mind busy with his family, with how he made them feel. He had disappeared like that once before, leaving his parents devastated for almost eight years. What if it lasts just as long this time?

And what was worrying him, too, was the fact that it was about time they left Forks. They've been living there for about four years now, and people started to notice how they never change, how the kids don't get older, how Carlisle still looked ten years younger than he was acting out to be. The kids didn't exactly help, either - they tried, but naturally they would stick out among the other highschoolers like a sore thumb. They looked like mature, marble sculptures among their classmates no matter how casually they dressed or acted. Moreover, it was June already, another school year was over and the kids were expected to leave for college, anyway. They were used to moving like that, of course, but Carlisle was worried this time, because their family was missing someone, and it just didn't feel right leaving without Edward. What if he wants to come back home and they're not here anymore?

All those questions were occupying Carlisle's mind as he drove his car into their garage and parked it next to Alice's Porshe. Edward's car was missing, of course. The spot usually taken by his shiny silver machine had been empty for months, and nobody seemed to want to use it, like they were all waiting for him to come back.

The house was quiet. Carlisle had come back from a night shift, so the younger vampires had probably already left for school. Esme wasn't in the living room, where he expected her to be. He didn't kiss her good morning, as he usually did - a kiss on the forehead was customary, almost a tradition, and Carlisle pouted his lips sadly. She probably had one of her worse days, then. She loved the kiss on the forehead just as much as he did.

"Esme, love?" he raised his voice, knowing she'll hear him if she's anywhere in the house or in the garden. "Where are you?"

"Upstairs."

He found her in her office. It was a small room connected to their bedroom, with great windows overlooking the garden. Tiny desk was kept perfectly tidy, with Esme's documents in order and fresh flowers in yellow vase. The most important part of the room was her wooden easel and blank canvases placed by the wall. Esme didn't really think of herself as an artist, and she didn't like her family saying so, but her paintings were mersmerizing, and Carlisle loved to watch her work. They even put a rocking chair by the window so he could keep her company and admire her. She always kept perfectly still when she was painting, focused, with only her eyes wandering around the piece she's working on. Her delicate hands would slowly run the brush on white canvas, nearly automatically, making it seem almost as if she didn't really think about it, as if it was only natural for her to paint.

Carlisle entered the room and she turned her head to send him a warm smile, but there was something very sad about it - she was smiling with her lips, but not with her eyes. Her hair was up in a ponytail and she wasn't wearing any trousers, only pink underwear and her husband's white t-shirt, which made him grin. He rarely ever got to see her this casual and domestic. She didn't even get to put the brush down, because he walked over to her and took her in a long embrace, placing a kiss onto her hair. 

"Hi," he said, gently running his fingers up and down her back. It felt so good to finally hold her in his arms. "How do you feel?"

"Alright," she muttered. "Way better now."

"I see you've been painting, that's wonderful," Carlisle turned to finally see what his wife has painted and he froze for a second, seeing Edward's melancholic face staring at him from the canvas. Esme seemed embarassed, biting her lip and playing with her wedding ring. "Oh."

She mirrored Edward's sharp features perfectly, gave his hair the exact reddish shade, his golden eyes glowing. If Carlisle had a heart, it would sting painfully. She really missed their son so much, and no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't help her fill that void.

"It's... splendid, love. You truly captured him."

Esme sad down on the rocking chair and hid her face in hands. If she could cry, she would. How she missed the sweet relief of tears! Sometimes she would give up anything just to lay on her bed and bawl her eyes out, it would be so much easier than feeling the constant numbness, the sadness that didn't really seem to have an end.

"I just keep seeing his face," she muttered, almost as if she felt guilty about it. "I guess I thought if I painted him... maybe that would stop."

"And did it?" Carlisle asked softly and kneeled before her, placing hands on her knees. She smiled sadly and shook her head.

"No. Not at all."

Esme had that amazing ability of sharing what she was feeling with everyone around. When she was cheerful, her mood seemed to project onto her family, she would make jokes, talk loudly, fill the air with loud laughter, and everybody would just follow. But it worked like that with her sadness, too. Carlisle could nearly feel how overwhelming it was, she really felt like she lost a child again. For the third time in her life.

"I just miss him so much," she shrugger. "The worst thing is that I don't even know if he's alright, if he's well, we can only rely on Alice's vision and they're... well... you know. I wish he would just pick up the phone, just once, and talk to me."

"I know," her husband answered simply, took her hand between his and gently kissed her fingers, dirty with paint. She had her other hand buried in his hair, running fingers through the golden locks.

Carlisle couldn't help feeling angry. He really tried not to - he understood Edward's decision and respected it. They never truly promised each other anything, any of the kids could leave whenever they wanted to, and Edward had a good reason, but Carlisle didn't really expect it to actually happen, and he hated how Edward did it. How he just disappeared, turned off his phone, stopped giving any signs of being alive. It was childish, and it affected everyone, but especially Esme - sweet, wonderful Esme, she was the sun of Carlisle's life, but ever since Edward left she became distant, as if the sun was covered by endless dark clouds. Carlisle couldn't stand it.

He loved his son, but he didn't understand why Edward had to act this way.

"Are you alright?" Esme asked after a few minutes of silence. "You just dozed off there. What are you thinking about?"

"How cross I am with Edward," her husband answered plainly, and he could see how surprised she was for a second. Then she knit her eyebrows, honestly confused. "More than cross, my love, I'm mad at him."

"What for?" she whispered, stroking his face with her soft fingeres. He was once again blessed with her gentle touch, and it made him sigh. "He has made his decision. I just have to get over it and... and forget."

"He shouldn't have done that. We're a family. We would come up with something, or move together. He shouldn't have just left us without a word because he fell in love with Bella," Carlisle finally let his thoughts be heard. He said out loud what he'd been thinking for the past ten months, and it felt good, it felt great to finally share it. "He was being selfish. He always had been quite selfish, but this... I can't wrap my head around it, darling, he knew the consequences, he knew how it would hurt us. Hurt you, I am mad at him for hurting you. He is acting childish, Esme. The least he could do is pick up the phone when you call. I want him to be home, of course I do, but part of me- part of me wishes he doesn't come back. Not at least until he's sure of what he desires."

Before he could say anything more, Esme stood up, quick as a wink, and crossed arms on her chest. She would always do that when she was upset, Carlisle knew that. "You don't mean that."

"Maybe I do," he said quietly and he straightened up, too. He tried to take her hand, but she shrugged and took a step back. "I love our son, Esme, you know I do, but his behaviour is abominable. I miss him, and I want to look at him the way I used to, but I'm just not sure if I can."

"He didn't know what to do, and we should have helped him with that," she hissed, her voice getting sharper and colder, her charming face turned with resentment. "He felt like he had no other choice but to leave. We should have been there for him."

"But we were, love, we were, and we told him not to leave alone! And he did it anyway!" Carlisle said loudly, almost shouted, and he immediately saw that he had made a big mistake - Esme distanced herself from him even farther. He then tried to come closer and reach for her, but she raised her hand to make a barrier between them. For a second he could swear he saw fear shining in her eyes and it was worse than if she had punched him in the stomach. A hundred times worse.

"Don't raise your voice at me, Carlisle, don't ever, you know how much I hate it," she whispered, now seriously hurt, her voice started to shake. "I don't want to know what else you think about it. I love Edward with my whole heart, and I'm not going to give up on him. I'm not leaving Forks until he comes back, I hope that much is clear."

"I'm sorry," he said, but she just took a deep breath - she didn't really had to, it was just a habit to calm herself down she still had from her human life. She wasn't looking at him anymore. "I'm so sorry."

"Just give me some space now, before we both say something we might regret later," Esme said and took her brush as if nothing ever happened; she dipped it in golden paint and started softly painting Edward's eyes, even though they were already done. "Carlisle, please."

So he just left. Went to the hall through their bedroom, ran down the stairs, stopped when he reached the living room. He felt terrible, truly terrible, and he couldn't believe he really almost yelled at her. His perfect wife, so sweet and collected, and he raised his voice at her. Just like Charles used to.

He shrugged, tried to escape those thoughts, but he couldn't. If he really made her feel as bad as her human husband did, he wouldn't know where to start apoligizing. His wife was hurt, seriously wounded from her past life, and though she hardly ever shared it, Carlisle knew that the memories of constant abuse still haunt her sometimes. It was part of the reason Carlisle avoided fighting with her at any cost. It was truly incredible - how someone who had lived through so many bad things could still remain so kind and loving. Her past didn't define her, but it surely haunted her. Esme would sometimes twitch at the smallest sounds, or squeeze her wrist tight, lost in her thoughts - Charles had broken both of her wrists once. She would overreact to making the smallest mistakes, as if she was used to getting punished for them. It would break Carlisle at first. He had made sure that she would never feel fear again, and he tried to remind her everyday how much he loves her, but he wasn't sure if her trauma would ever entirely disappear.

He felt like a monster for rising his voice at her. He only hoped she knew it.

* * *

Esme hadn't said a single word to him all afternoon. In fact, she didn't even leave the studio. Carlisle knew she was hurting, and he felt the urge to go to her with every fibre of his body, it was almost like a physical need, but he didn't want to overstep even more than he already did.

Rosalie, Alice, Jasper and Emmett came home a few hours after their fight. Carlisle was sat on the porch bench with a book he didn't really care about. It was a cloudy day and he was just relaxing to the sound of falling rain. He heard Emmett's jeep driving in long before he saw it. The vehicle reminded him of driving a car in the rain with Esme. She would always place her head on the window and observe which one of the little rain drops rolls down first, like a child seeing the rain for the first time.

"Hi Carlisle!" Alice yelled at him from the driveway. He really adored how gleeful she was. She ran towards him and hugged him tightly welcome. "Oh, you look sad, did something happen?"

"No, not at all," he lied, closing his book and standing up. He saw in Alice's eyes that she knew something was up.

"Liar," Rosalie said as she passed him by.

"Where's Esme?" Emmett asked as they were all entering the house. "We were supposed to watch a show together."

"She's upstairs," Carlisle answered, avoiding kids' curious looks.

"Do I sense a little drama?" Rosalie whispered, her eyes squinted a little as she sent her father a curious look. "What did you do?"

Carlisle sighed deeply and rubbed his forehead as if he had a headache. "We fought. About Edward."

He felt the atmosphere getting tense. Rosalie cleared her throat. "Asshole keeps ruining everything even when he's not here."

"Rose," Carlisle said softly and she rolled her eyes. "Don't."

"You all know I'm right."

"Do you want me to go to her and calm her down?" Jasper asked with his eyebrows raised, referring to his gift. Carlisle shook his head.

"No, of course not," he murmured. "It's my fault. I have to go and try to make it better, but I didn't want to startle her."

"Well, you certainly won't fix anything by sitting here," Alice pouted her lips, pointing out what he already knew. She was right, but Carlisle didn't want with talk with her with the others sat downstairs and probably listening to their every word. They needed to remain hopeful, and in case Edward comes back, they had to be ready to welcome him with open arms. Carlisle didn't intend on sharing his concerns with them and killing their good spirits. That was Rosalie's part.

Before he could have said anything, Jasper cleared his throat, just as if he, and not Edward, possessed the ability to read minds. "Well, I suppose we agreed on going hunting today, didn't we?" He asked and took Alice's hand. His eyes indeed were almost black, not much of golden left in them. Alice nodded enthusiastically.

"Oh, yes! I'm very hungry," she said and Emmett rubbed his hands against each other. Not five minutes passed by and Carlisle was left alone again.

He took an umbrella and went outside to the garden. It was Esme's place, her little paradise - she grew all kinds of flowers there. She took especially good care of them to always have some fresh flowers in vases around the house, and summer so far had been warm this year, so they were all blooming beautifully. It made their backyard look magical, and only reminded Carlisle how talented his wife was. A river of pink, red, blue and yellow welcomed him and he picked out the prettiest red rose he could find.

He found Esme upstairs, laying on their bed, with her body turned to face the window. She was still wearing his shirt and no pants, only her auburn hair was let loose. Carlisle sat by her and hesitantly placed a hand on her shoulder, but she didn't object.

"Trying to bribe me with my own flowers?" she asked, but the tone of her voice showed that she's not upset anymore. Carlisle couldn't see her face, but he felt she's smiling. "How thoughtful of you."

"I'm sorry," he placed the rose on his side of the bed and bent down to place a kiss on her bare shoulder. "I shouldn't have said the things I did."

"No, you don't have to apologize," his wife replied and finally laid on her back to lock her gaze with his. Her shiny hair fell all over the pillow, and created a nice contrast to her pale skin and white bed sheets. Esme's dark eyes were piercing through his own, almost as if she could look inside his thoughts and desires. Sometimes she understood him so well he really felt like she could. She was his heart. "I overreacted. You only wanted to share how you feel and I bursted out. I've just been so stressed since- since he left, you know."

"I know, love," Carlisle nodded and caressed her face with his thumb, then tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. She smiled at the cold touch. Silence fell between them for a solid minute, with only the sound of rain softly hitting the windows. Esme was just about to say something when he sighed deeply. "I'm sorry if I overstepped."

Confusion clouded her beautiful face. "What?"

"I yelled at you, I promised to always keep you safe and I didn't," he shook his head. He felt so disgraced, if he could blush, his cheeks would be red. In his mind, he still saw her fearful eyes. "You were afraid of me, I saw it. I hope you can forgive me."

Esme almost chuckled at how dramatic her husband was, but the way he spoke to her, his voice so calm, deep and full of shame made her swoon.

"I do not fear you, Carlisle, how could I ever," her hand found his and joined fingers together. "I know you would never hurt me. I was upset, but I wasn't afraid. You're not him, I know."

Carlisle's heart felt lighter immediately, like a big weight had been lifted. Maybe it truly was. He lied next to her and she turned her body to face him. It felt so good to have her cuddled against him. He could smell her honey perfume and felt home again. Esme's fingers gently touched the crook of his neck and led his head closer to hers to slowly kiss his lips.

"I would rather die than hurt you," he whispered against her cold skin when they broke the kiss and she grinned, keeping hand in his hair.

"Oh, I know," she said. "Believe me, I do."

Carlisle laid on his back and Esme moved closer to him to rest her head on his chest. She kept one of her hand across his abdomen. "But I am disappointed in you."

"For what?" Carlisle asked, not sure what to expect. His wife was looking at the wall and avoiding his gaze for the next couple of sentences.

"For losing faith in Edward," she muttered. "For doubting his judgement. He did what he felt was right. I thought you, of all people, would understand it."

There were similarities, but the dilemmas him and Edward had faced were different. Carlisle's revolved around turning human beings into vampires. He had two choices - condemn them, strip them of all humanity, or watch them die, and he did what his intuition was telling him to do. Before he could think of it more, she spoke again with her soft, judgeless, lovely voice.

"You both were facing difficult decisions, darling. Edward did what he thought had to be done in order to save the person he loves, his mate. You know how strong those bounds are. If I think about it, you turning me was no different."

"You're not angry with him?" her husband asked with a bit of disbelief which he couldn't get rid of. Her ability to love was surprising him still, after a hundred years. He was positive she was unable to hate anyone, and always wanted to see the good in people. It might be a little naive, but it was also Esme's best trait, and what Carlisle loved about her. She could always calm him down, like the first rays of sun after a storm. She was always there to show him the bigger picture, the other point of view, to make him realize how there's more than one side to things, and it was because she saw the world with so much love it was astrictive. He started caressing her hair and playing with the curly locks.

"No," she answered simply. "I'm not angry. I'm sad, and I wish he was back already. But I also just want you to hug me and tell me that he will. We both need to believe it."

And so Carlisle did exactly that, and he felt they were alright again.

**Author's Note:**

> I love twilight, I just hate the main characters. Give me some more cullens i beg you  
> If you liked this, please leave a comment! I have a few more drafts but idk if anyone would read them hahah


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